Mental Health, Motherhood

January blues

January 9, 2017

Lately it feels as if all the plates I’ve been spinning in the air have started to wobble and some may have smashed entirely.

I am trying my best to get from morning to bedtime without damaging my larynx through screaming or causing structural damage to the house because of door slamming.

The kids being on a lengthy break from school is a massive factor and I can’t help but wonder if my recent fallback on anti-depressants is making me dopey. Could it be the dark evenings? My need to binge watch the Gilmore Girls? The extra stone I’m carrying since Roses and King crisps made a seasonal appearance?

I feel so tired when I wake up and envision a day of washing, meal making and fight diffusing ahead and it’s all I can do to put a blanket over my head and call in sick… if only.

There’s just so much to do; car and health insurance needs to be renewed, I have to register for the household charge, top up the balance on our bins… oh and put the green bin out (with a sneaky 56 extra bags of torn wrapping paper placed in hope beside it). I could definitely do with some personal grooming, my nails are chipped and too long and let’s just say that Veet will have it’s work cut out for it. The boys all need haircuts and two of them could do with getting vests that don’t have unwashable stains or shrinkage due to heavy handed dryer use.

So, I make coffee and check facebook and all of a sudden it’s the afternoon and I’m still pj-ed and bra-less and I think “let’s have a pj day” like they all do on facebook… chilling on the couch with the kiddies, watching a movie; except every day of the poxy holidays has been a pj day and it has been anything but chill. The boys play separately but now and again their games overlap or somebody deigns to look at someone else and war erupts. They all want Mammy and while I know that I will treasure the memories, I am finding it very difficult to divide myself up and my hat is off to anyone with more than 3 children. This week Rian has been playing xbox Lego Pirates of the Caribbean and while he is fantastic at just 4, he needs my help in tricky situations.. I love to play with him but I can’t possibly allot him the one on one time he craves as Koray is in the kitchen on the old Xbox playing Lego Harry Potter and I have to go help him complete some missions (often with the help of youtube walkthroughs). Then there’s Conall, with his questions about ratings (his current obsession).. “Mam what age would you have to be to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre?” and so on and on and on…….

As if I didn’t feel shite enough… I see other families out walking in the mountains, or on the beach in all their January shininess and I’m still elbow deep in white bread sandwiches and Baron St Jean.

Right now I can’t be arsed to make a resolution but I will try to reassess when they are back in school and I can have a moment to sit and be still and think.

 

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1 Comment

  • Reply Áine Bissett January 10, 2017 at 11:42 pm

    Holidays are cruel my friend … we will laugh about them some day I know we will!!

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