It’s that time of the year when my newsfeed is filled with pictures of kids on their first day back to school and my fridge is stocked full of sandwich fillers and fruit.
My baby just went into montessori full time and so it is my first year to have 5 mornings free to do with as I please. A few years ago, I dreamt of this day and all the sleeping I would do but now they all sleep the night (usually) and so I am not the sleep deprived shell of a human I once was. My mother and sister tell me I should take the time to clean my house… but aside from putting on the dishwasher/ washing machine and a quick wipedown with some baby wipes (me and the kitchen), I really cannot waste this golden time on that shite. I did plan on joining the gym but am conveniently putting that off Monday to Monday; So, I have spent this week going for breakfast with friends, watching Gossip Girl and getting on top of some writing… while drinking 500 coffees and stuffing my face. I am unapologetic.
I deserve it after the shitstorm that is the morning rush. I am awoken at 6.30 with Rian’s freakishly regular bowel movements. He still likes to drop it in a potty and scream MAMMM; I enter his room and he is bent over, awaiting a wipe. I’ll give him milk and his tablet and optimistically crawl back into bed. 7.30 and I sneak downstairs… make lunches, sip on a coffee and await Koray (5) who loves to slip downstairs in his bare feet and frighten the shite out of me. He has breakfast and I repeatedly smell his hair and kiss his head.. There is nothing like the smell of a child’s head in the morning… much better than napalm.
Rian (3) will enter the kitchen, full of anger and demand cheerios (no milk) and huff off to the couch to await his demands being met, oftentimes shouting “f words”.
I will have to almost beat Conall (8) to wake him, and he will walk, zombie like to the bathroom.
I’ll fast forward all the fighting and the 10 minute drama of trying to dress three giggling/ crying wrigglers… suffice to say that it should have made up a section in the Krypton Factor.
I’ll get everyone into the car and will be forced to listen to “dumb ways to die” for the 10 minute journey there. Conall will ask me convoluted questions regarding weaponry in WW2 (his new topic of choice) and I will feign intelligence. Conall walks Koray into his class and I always feel a lump in my throat as I watch the two of them walk in the gates holding hands and I think I made them and have an existential moment.
Another 10 minute drive and I drop Rian off as he admonishes me and tells me I am to go have a coffee and then collect him. I tell him I have some work to do and he shouts “NO!! Only coffee!” I agree and skip out of the montessori and into my filthy, yet kid free car. A little voice inside says “ah look at the empty car seats” and I tell her to shut the fuck up.
Back home and the house is eerie, asides from all the breakfast dishes and strewn underpants to be dealt with; right, I’ll do some shopping, have dinner ready and get stuck into those wardrobes.
What seems like 5 minutes later, I’ve to go and collect them and all I’ve achieved is beating my high score on Suduko and having 4 coffees with a neighbour as we discussed all we’d to do.
I have 3 collections… 12.30, 1.30 and 2.30…. There is light at the end of the tunnel as in 2019 all 3 will be finished at the same time… FOR ONE YEAR!
My kids are so angry when I collect them, especially Koray. He’ll wave at his teacher and she’ll smile at me as if to say “you have a good one there” and then he’ll turn to me with gritted teeth and hiss “I hate you… the apple you put in my lunch had a bruise” and I know I’m in for 2 hours of verbal abuse. Rian needs a nap but I can’t let him if I want any sleep that night so I’ll deal with his glazed eyes and frankly sociopathic behaviour till bedtime. Conall gets home and runs for the laptop and I rugby tackle him for homework… it’s 3pm and Ossie is just surfacing for work. He sees me looking longingly at the fridge and says “it IS too early for wine”