Family, Like Magazine, Mental Health, Motherhood, Musings

Won’t Somebody Think of the Children?

May 14, 2015

I’ve always loved referendums, it’s an exciting time to vote. Elections can be confusing and, let’s face it, a little boring. Referendums tend to get people animated, and heated debates can be overheard in the workplace, the home and the pub. May 22nd is no exception. We’re being asked to vote on marriage equality and as the date approaches things are heating up. It’s starting to feel like a fight between the insular Ireland of old and a modern Ireland encompassing many different nationalities and lifestyles .

father-ted-careful-nowThe No campaign have tried to muddy the waters on what should be a clear cut decision of marriage equality for all. They have made the argument about children and in doing so have gone for the human jugular. If it wasn’t such a serious matter I would find their posters funny in the way that Father Ted’s poster down with this sort of thing was  Children deserve a mother and a father” and “surrogacy? she needs her mother for life, not just for 9 months”. They have managed to alienate a vast number of the population asides from the LGBT community; single mothers, widowed parents; adopted kids; surrogates etc

I am doing my best to raise my kids to be as open-minded as they can be. I want them to grow up in a world where they are accepted and loved. They have each had a shaky start; My 7-year-old has aspergers. He struggles socially and I worry for his future relationships. I have never worried about the sex of his future partners, to me that is irrelevant. My only concern is that someone will find him as amazing and hilarious as I do. My middle boy has a heart condition, and I worry for his future health. I don’t worry about his love life… He will be loved wholly and completely, two minutes in his pouty, wide-eyed company and anyone would fall for him. My baby boy had major surgery at age two for craniosynostosis. He was born with a metopic ridge down the centre of his forehead that gave his face an unusual look. Faced with the difficult decision to proceed with major cranial surgery for what were primarily cosmetic reasons, we did it for him because life can be hard and cruel and we wanted him to feel acceptance and not to be judged by his appearance.

Your life changes forever when you have kids. You become almost primal in your desire to protect these helpless little beings. To flourish, they need someone batting for them. They need to feel pure love with a side order of discipline. There are many parents out there doing this alone and I take my hat off to them. With two parents you can take some time out for yourself, have some support with family decisions along with all the good bits a relationship brings.

The sex of that other person has no bearing on things whatsoever. Someone to teach them ball? My husband doesn’t play sports and the boys aren’t interested anyway. Would two men raising a daughter have difficulty preparing her for periods? My Mam didn’t have a notion about biology and my Dad explained it to me factually and it wasn’t slightly awkward.image

Raising boys I’m always conscious to keep the lines of communication open. I have a worry book that I use each night with Conall in which we draw and discuss anything making him anxious. I lie beside each one of them at night and tell them to feel free to tell me anything.I would be heartbroken if I thought that they felt they had to hide some key part of themselves- after all, statistically young men are prone to suffering from mental health issues that end tragically. Boys are taught to be self contained and can become emotionally stunted as they get older. They need to know they can disclose anything and we won’t love them any less. Well almost anything- I could accept them telling me they’re gay, bi, transgender anything but a priest. That I would struggle with – but I would find a way.

We are told by the no side to “think of the children”, and indeed we must. We must think of our own kids and the kind of world we want to raise them in. We must think of the children growing up in Ireland right now, and realising they might be gay. What will a no vote say to them? That they are less than their straight peers? We always tell our children they can be anything they want to be*. Do we want to put a small disclaimer at the bottom of that lovely sentiment? (*As long as you’re not gay and wanting equal rights.)

So, I urge you, DO think of the children and vote YES; yes to equality, yes to love and yes to being anything you want to be!

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12 Comments

  • Reply Áine Bissett May 14, 2015 at 10:16 am

    Aisling superb I did actually cry reading this.

    • Reply Aisling May 14, 2015 at 10:28 am

      Awww Ainy, thanks, hugs xx

  • Reply Aidan McGrath May 14, 2015 at 10:35 am

    From a Gay man who didn’t come out till he was 36 years of age due to fear, stigma, and to know the minute I said I was gay my life would change and never be the same , No children , No Marriage or Love , Fear of losing life long friends, Family , even my Job ( Motor industry). Thank you for your understanding.

    • Reply Aisling May 14, 2015 at 10:46 am

      Aidan, that is so tragic… you’ve given me goosebumps and made me cry. I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t understand. Our sexuality isn’t the sum of our parts, it’s not even the most interesting thing about us. I hope you didn’t lose any friends, well ones worth losing anyway and that your family were accepting and loving. No matter what happens in May, I hope you can feel the love and support from most people around you. Big hugs!!!

      • Reply Aidan McGrath May 14, 2015 at 1:17 pm

        Hi Aisling, unfortunately their are millions of people our there with similar experiences or worse. I met a gut the following year of coming out we are together 6 years and cicl partners since sept 2013 . he is my world . Thank you for your article. Sorry I made you cry “see no good with women lol”

        • Reply Aisling May 14, 2015 at 1:22 pm

          Ha ha, I’m sure you’re great with women, you touched me… emotionally is all. I’m delighted to hear you had a happy ending (jesus everything I say has an innuendo lol)

  • Reply Irish Parenting Bloggers | Won’t Somebody Think of the Children? May 14, 2015 at 11:41 am

    […] By Aisling […]

  • Reply Aidan McGrath May 14, 2015 at 1:21 pm

    We just need to make sure no child feels ashamed of who they are especially when they don’t understand what’s different about them . yes vote will make tis happen. Excuse my spelling errors in last mail 😉

  • Reply Kate Hannigan May 14, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    Brilliant piece Aisling and heartfelt support………. may I share this on please. (Ps. Friend of Aine’s – her cousins neighbour!!!) Best regards, Kate. xxx

    • Reply Aisling May 14, 2015 at 5:14 pm

      of course..i’d love if you did and thanks x

  • Reply Dylan Ryan May 22, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    A lovely piece. I loved this line “Well almost anything- I could accept them telling me they’re gay, bi, transgender anything but a priest. That I would struggle with – but I would find a way.” Really captures the essence of the tolerance that we all as a society should have for each other and our children.

    • Reply Aisling May 22, 2015 at 8:49 pm

      Thank you Dylan as always for your lovely comment but I probably couldn’t forgive the priest thing, I’d freak out… imagine, although the ultimate act of rebellion… little shits

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